grass

the grass up here is so calm
i will die here all alone
for i've intended no harm
but scraped myself to the bone

the effort's got the best of me
took my freedom, joy and spark
this connection's meant to be
me and sweet dreams in the dark

the unexpressed

 i’m no longer expecting to save the earth
i’ve failed my own goals, i’m totally worth
no more than the coffee and the sugar i consume
to remind my body my room’s not my tomb

i’ve reduced my hobbies to slow night walks and onanism
i can’t fill my mind and i can’t fill my organism
and people are too scary so i must scare them more
so they can see clearly that i’m no one’s whore
but there have been times when i reached out…

must i name the symptoms and must i play the game
must i be theatrical and must i look insane
should i threaten with suicide to get some proper care
or will you still consider me the strongest bitch out there

i put on the toughest mask so mofos know damn well
if you tell me how to live you’re going straight to hell
i try to earn the spotlight i want to seize the throne
but it hurts like hell to fight this battle all alone

just because you comfort me won’t mean you don’t admire me
i demand concern for me and i demand it now
i’ve done all this by myself and it will always stay this way
but i’m losing my mental health along the way 

can’t get over myself
and I won’t tell you how it pains me because
you think i’m not depressed just lazy
can’t get over the world
and I won’t tell you how it aches me because
you think nothing ever breaks me

can’t get over your ignorance, my loneliness, everything i must suppress
if i weren’t so unexpressed i would not be so self-obsessed
i don’t mind being imperfect but can you see the ugliness
beauty is not hard to love but how could someone love this mess?

yes there have been listeners but no one understood
the normies just said stay unique throughout your adulthood
psychologists just twisted everything i ever said
i just seem way too functional to wish that i was dead

so maybe if i show how weak i am you’ll pity me
but it’s more likely they’ll attack me and make fun of me
unbreakable as i wish that i was i’ll never be
and sharing is caring but i am no one’s cup of tea

just because i comfort you don’t mean i don’t need it too
i demand concern for me and i demand it now
i’ve done all this by myself and it will always stay this way
but i’m losing my mental health along the way

can’t get over myself
and I won’t tell you how it pains me because
you think i’m not depressed just lazy
can’t get over the world
and I won’t tell you how it aches me because
you think nothing ever breaks me

can’t get over your ignorance, my loneliness, everything i must suppress
if i weren’t so unexpressed i would not be so self-obsessed
i don’t mind being imperfect but can you see the ugliness
beauty is not hard to love but how could someone love this mess?

i’m no longer expecting to save the earth
i’ve failed my own goals, i’m totally worth
no more than the coffee and the sugar i consume
to remind my body my room’s not my tomb
there have been times when i reached out…
nothing ever helps